Consistency and stability

I continued to experience trauma in highschool.

House to house, I rarely had stability.

The ultimate dream of mine-

Consistency and stability.

I went to prom with friends that were women;

I never had a prom date that was a man, after my first dance experience with a man when I was a freshman, wasn’t a good one.

My sophomore year I went with a girl friend & after prom a group of men, woke me up from a chair, after I was drugged and they began passing me around like I was a doll.

I couldn’t speak. Again.

I couldn’t use my body.

Another situation that I had to overlook, to move forward in life.

The following year I went to prom with a woman, we left after 5 minutes.

I never went to my senior prom.

When it comes to people drugging  drinks 

Please be mindful of this tactic. Please educate your young people about this. talk about it!!!!

I worked at a chain restaurant on the overnight shifts and became friends with a group of kids that came in regularly. They were actually all older than me. I was 16 & 17. We had fun and goofed around. They took photos of me in a bikini holding up the menu. Evidently these ended up online.

This is the restaurant I worked at

Where I was told that I would be given a promotion and then driven to the meeting at a restaurant, where I was drugged and after I was gang raped with a bag over my head,  tied up-

at that local port where there are large ships being made-

it is my belief this was to insight chaos & conflict.

It was a threat.

It was a combination of kkk & young dealers who are privileged and think they thugs, as well as people instigating.

They Knew the damage this would cause.

It was horrific.

The pictures that were taken of me at that job and put online, without my knowledge, were printed off and brought to a manager. Those friends and I tried to break into the office to get them back-we couldn’t. They were locked away.

I quit right before I was ‘terminated.’

That restaurant has remained closed for a long while.

I didn’t deal with being gang raped or raped super healthy.

Surprisingly I didn’t turn to heavy drug use. My experiences with drugs are actually very limited and pretty conservative compared to most.

I do believe one of the reasons is that I did not like being ‘out of control’ of my body.

As you can imagine, being drugged and raped like that and unable to speak up, really causes you to think differently about any type of ‘numbing’ substance.

It’s no wonder I am so triggered as an ambulatory spinal cord injured woman.

In my youth, I drank heavily in some moments to ‘escape’ my emotions. Even that was sparing compared to what I’ve been through.

I didn’t end up an addict or a drunk.

Mostly I was just sort of haunted by these experiences that I kept to myself. Haunted and under supported by anyone caring.

These are things that some don’t want discussed. Unfortunately their silencing of it all, placed  me in more danger of being harmed.

Everyone realized they could get away with it.

Because everyone always did.

I luckily had some safe intimate partners, who let me deal with my trauma.

I went through a dominatrix phase.

Nothing crazy wild.

I was homeless. I lived out of my car. As a woman, in a car you are safer.

I learned that if I drove everywhere, I had control of where I ended up.

So I drove. EVERYWHERE.

Sometimes I just drove and sang in my car, taking in the coastline or wherever I ended up.

I held multiple Jobs.

I usually was a good employee. Even young. Reliable and trustworthy. Efficient and congenial. I worked a lot!! A LOT!

I’m autistic, so at times I wasn’t equipped to handle unexpected conflict.

At 19 I met a woman at my waitressing job. I worked at an art store also then.

She told me about a strip club she worked at and mentioned I should go with her.

So I did. I tried out to be a stripper and guess what-during my audition, I forgot to take off my top.

In the beginning I wore gloves and I sang and danced in long dresses. It was fun. Very burlesque style. I would have preferred just burlesque.

As an older woman now-I would say, that I would’ve liked to have had a life lover, that I privately danced for and would have preferred not to have gone through all the trauma I experienced, but that wasn’t my life.

At 19 I had no idea that ‘stripping’ meant ‘sex work’

I thought it was just burlesque.

I didn’t exactly know how to deal with the discovery of this.

I refused to have money for sex.

I was a dancer.

Not a prostitute.

(I am in NO way EVER shaming women for sex work. In my opinion there shouldn’t be a need for it. I don’t think many women just decide to be prostitutes. Most are doing so because of trauma and many are forced into it, via circumstance or crueler tactics. Such as what I experienced-being gang raped with a bag over my head, tied up. How complacent of a female after. That’s what they thought. For me-I was determined to stay fast and strong).

I worked at that club only 5 months.

I became a little more protective of myself and the girls who worked there when I started to realize how much went on.

When you’ve been in the situations I have, assessing a crowd is normal and there were times I was concerned.

The ratio  of men to women is what I speak on.

A group of men can be very dangerous with the wrong leader.

I could hear what the men would say when some girls were on stage and I gave subtle but obvious warnings, letting them know I heard.

I also showcased my strength regularly.

I ended up quitting.

My friend and I spent a lot of time together and became close. She is the one who told me about GHB, the odorless tasteless drug they use to rape women.

She died in a car accident about a month after I quit the club.

Allegedly falling asleep at the wheel.

We always rode in together so I felt like if I had been with her, she would have lived.

Her and I had plans to move in together.

I was devastated by her death and my life went down an unexpected path.

Luckily I had a wonderful woman in my life, on occasion then, who said to me, “Maybe if you had been with her, you both would have died”

It stuck with me, but honestly at that time, I wished I had died with her. I was heartbroken. I used to sit by the lake and stare into lightning storms.

I was quieter than usual. Introspective.

I used to leave her wind chimes, or solar lights and make her a garden.

People always took down these items, but never took her mini garden I made, down. 

To me she will never be gone. I just won’t ever accept it. She went from alive to a coma, to gone. 

One of the  issues is all the hell I was put through, made me a constant target.

If I spoke up about being raped it could get a lot of people in trouble.

Including corrupt government officials.

(keep your panties unbundled, paranoid drug ones, I’m no fool)

I moved on with life.

I was Married for a short time, a bad relationship.

Divorced. Worked.

Moved forward.

Was always a waitress/bartender in the area this all occurred and regularly waited on the people who put me through hell.

People tried to psychologically mess with me to make me seem unaccountable.

Rich kids whose families cover for them & any government official that just didn’t know, what was going on-but were trying to figure it out.

Or the government officials enmeshed, that never picked a side.

I guess in that time-I became an easier scapegoat and target, once more.

I just kept moving forward.

I didn’t get my drivers license until I was 19. I drove from the age of 15. Living in a rural area and being targeted and in danger constantly.

I was pulled over for driving without a license as a teen. I dropped out of highschool cause I couldn’t drive in that town after.

I finally got my license and then got two speeding tickets within a year and they suspended my license for loss of points. I didn’t know they didn’t forward STATE mail and I also didn’t know my license was suspended.

I got pulled over for a taillight being out and told I didn’t have a license. The 15 day suspension period was over, but because I didn’t know it was suspended, I didn’t reinstate it.  So I got a second driving without a license.

I lost my license for 90 days for that.

I was In my relationship with my ex who was abusive and controlling. 13 days before getting my license back I had finally had enough and I decided to leave him.

I drove him, in my car,

he didn’t have one and always used mine-in our whole relationship; he only worked 5 minutes from where we lived.

I got pulled over for a headlight being out: the officer was really kind and I told him I didn’t have a license.

I lost my license for 3 years.

It made it harder to leave my ex but I still did, with the help of some phenomenal women. Acquaintances mostly and one ‘friend.’

It was a really hard moment. I was young and way too forgiving.

I ended up getting a ‘work license’ after 1 and a half years of it being suspended.

I had to file a SR-22 for ‘operating a car without a license. ‘

I tried to speak to the district attorney about what happened and explain I wasn’t just some hoodlum out for a joy ride.

I didn’t have a chance to.

With only a short time to go before my license was fully reinstated-

I got out of my car one night and was asked by a local officer if that was my car and if I was ‘Kate’ (I started going by Kate instead of Katie at the age of 20) in 2006.

I said yes.

He said my license was suspended.

My insurance payment had lapsed.

I went to jail for 30 days. One day before thanksgiving.

I got 7 days good time for being a ‘good  prisoner’

So I was there 23 days.

My cat died a few hours before I got out.

My boss couldn’t keep my jobs for me.

I couldn’t talk about going to jail, cause then it would have affected my employment.

This was a stressful time in my life. I had no money, no support, no food.

I didn’t really know what I was going to do.

Then I got a job at a pizza place. Now closed.

I saved so much money in a short amount of time-I realized not going out and being a social drinker-saved me so much money!

I lived within my means always making between $13,000-$28,000 a year-

So at the age of 24 I pretty much completely stopped drinking, except maybe a few times a year. Then once every few years. The last time I drank was 2018. A few beers. And I saved my money for my future.

I then got my dog nine months after my cat dad.

My sweet & gremlin part time demon, Boston terrier. 

Bostons are just wild little things. I adored her.

She was six weeks old when I brought her home.

The size of a fat Guinea pig.

She was my life.

I stoped dating.

Saved money, worked, hiked, danced, sang, did my art and had my business plan.

After realizing my first two life plans wouldn’t work out, this one took me from 17-23 to decide.

So my new goal-it combined everything I loved into one thing of!

TRIPLE GODDESS ARTS

A GOAL finally!

To get my certifications.

My land.

My earth ship.

Sustainable and practical.

I knew I could help people because I had already transformed my whole life.

I was great at budgeting.

I saved money.

I had a plan.

I tried to buy land in hope.

It was PERFECT! 13 acres on the river into the lake.

I had good credit but because I didn’t have a building plan that involves a permanent structure I couldn’t get the loan.

I loved my apartment ON the river on Mt Battie Street in Camden.

I was there from 09-the very of 2013.

I decided to use the money I saved for land to get my certifications.

Reversing the plan.

I had a list to cross off!

*Yoga certification200 hours Chiang Mai Thailand 2014

*working with elephants 3 weeks in Pattaya2014

*Vinyasa Yoga 200 hours Rishikesh  India 2015

*Ayurveda 180 Hours

Including Ayurvedic massage, beauty and health techniques. Goa, India 2015

*countless certifications dancing , including one for the Summer workshop at Nrityagram in Bangalore.

The focus was Belly dance.

Rachel Brice’s first 8 elements

(I got into the second but was with my abusive ex-so couldn’t go)

Belly Dance  

In 2012 after belly dancing at home for about a year, I sat on the mountain and asked myself in meditation if I should focus on belly dancing as a career and not just a hobby.

When I opened my eyes, that day after the mediation-in the sky I saw a dancer and I knew the answer was

YES

Pursue belly dance! 

I didn’t have an exact plan for it, other than to incorporate into my business plan.

It combined so well with Triple Goddess Arts

the full name is actually:

‘Triple Goddess Healing Arts and Movement’

It’s really expensive to be a part of the belly dance world, especially in the USA and it’s less common in everyday affairs than in other countries.

I liked to teach it! Women usually love it and it gives them a sense of beauty and confidence that is noticeable. I also LOVE teaching it! Love choreographing, love making costumes.

This also is not something you can make a living off of where I live, but incorporated with everything else-it certainly would be beneficial eventually when I built up my business.

The years when I was studying were a little unstable in that I didn’t live in my own apartment.

I stayed with family for 5 months and helped with my sisters kids. When I studied in Thailand my sister watched my dog.

When I got back, I worked at coyote ugly and I applied for school in North Carolina to go to herbalist school.

I ended up moving back to Maine unexpectedly and a ‘friend’ told me I could stay in their older house once it was fixed up a bit. Then their brother ended up needing it and instead of me getting my own place she said I was so helpful with the house and kids and I could stay in their side sun room. Hermit crabs  were my roommates. They were cute.

When I studied in India they watched my dog.

I ended up not being friends with her for moral reasons-she also turned out to have some pretty cruel intentions with my life.

Either way-I wished her well and moved on my way.

I kept working.

Waitressing and bartending.

I was employed by a catering company a little on the side, I sang in a cover band, danced and did my art.

I was happy.

I then met my ex who crippled me.

Changing my life and its direction forever.

Gaining someone’s trust in a romantic relationship and then trafficking them, is common.

He moved to our area in 2009.

Even though I moved forward with my life, a combination of paranoid fools, web trap women & dishonest men-thought of me as a danger.

I was becoming someone who would be believed-if I ever spoke up, based on my life and what I made of it.

My ex was like the henchman.

He ex abused me, he isolated me, he spread lies about me and he significantly damaged my body.

3 shoulder surgeries and an ambulatory spinal cord injury. A rib issue. CPTSD.

What could have been a beautiful life and all the normalcy I desired and dreamed of, turned into this nightmare.

The more I am educated on human trafficking, the more I understand exactly how it is taking place, the more I start to see clearly where the issues are and I have to restate that as a woman who has been through HELL,

Right here in our perfect little coastal area,

I am a woman who is

NOT in Government,

NOT in drug trafficking and

NOT an addict

(I don’t gain anything by saying this. I use medical marijuana as a SPINAL cord injured WOMAN. )

And I believe that the need for safer ports can only happen if they legalize trafficking of drugs.

The corrupt government already complicate matters with their poor judgement, lack of humanity and desire for a scapegoat.

It’s the only thing I can see as a safe.

I’m a woman speaking up about everyone’s SAFETY

So many people are caught in the middle of situations like this and harmed. If you had even one close relative with an addiction problem then they could have enemies

I shouldn’t have had enemies, but paranoid privileged idiots are not very intelligent and corrupt government doesn’t care whose lives they ruin by using you as a scapegoat.

If every person on both sides, government and dealers, worked  together to stop human trafficking, it may actually be a possibility.

️️

That’s enough for this week.

Please remember.

Stay human.

~Katherine Lily Mae Harris

WOMAN

LIFE

FREEDOM

WORLDWIDE