I want to spend a lot of time speaking on magick because of what I just experienced, due to fear and lack of understanding/information. I repeat things I have mentioned in previous blogs and will keep doing so as needed, to stress the importance of these topics.
When I was in Rishikesh India one of my yoga teachers asked if I believed in black magick. I listened to what she told me, that some people find hair inside their bodies in places there shouldn’t be, (not placed there by web trapping surgeons) that some people become cursed, get sick and even die because of curses.
She is from Trinidad. I adore her.
At the time, I certainly knew that magick was real and that bad magick existed, I guess because I have been dead, I just view life differently from others.
When I have lost consciousness, God has brought me back/resurrected me, so when I come back, it’s with extra God protection, love and capabilities. Not because I ask for it, just because it’s what happens. This protects against unwanted spirit attachments.
I always called magick I practiced, ‘intuitive magick’ or ‘energy magick.’
It was really typically simple, a candle, some carvings of symbols, a petition spell, and good intentions for the ‘path that was best for my spirits highest filled potential’ that doesn’t always make things easy. I have been through a lot in my life. Some really horrible experiences. It’s what made me appreciate the ‘normal’ and ‘predictable’ things so much.
At the beginning of my studying trip to India, I participated in a short dance retreat. It was phenomenal and I really enjoyed myself. I was able to see the desert and ride camels. Camels are really phenomenal, even with their crazy teeth.
That night in the desert was one of the best. I slept so good under the stars and I felt at home there. Really at home.
During that retreat there was an event that took place described as ‘healing,’ however, what took place was it felt like a ‘green rope’ was taken from my heart space. Heart spiritual energy. A piece of my magick. I spoke to my Sufi mentor about this. His guidance was incredibly helpful and healing.
Earlier that year, I had a frenemy, pose as a friend, to get access to my spiritual practice, she was already envious of, without me realizing it until it was too late. Looking back I should have listened to my instincts. They told me, keep her away.
She attempted to do a spell called an ‘soul switch’ or transfer.
It involved water and fire. Some attempted bad magick. I’m certain she regrets it now.
I dreamt of the night it took place. She tried to take my power and make me be confused by love.
Journaling is really powerful, beneficial and always recommended by spiritual teachers or guides (unless you do Sufi practices, the USA is still not safe enough for isolated Muslims to keep a journal of their meditations. The government misunderstands and is unfair still to the majority, they would actually benefit from the practices and to every government official who is against Muslims or Sufism, in a way that is illegal and dangerous to all, I would challenge you to participate in the practices for one year before you pass judgement. I knew they were for me, because I have always been drawn to Islamic art, architecture, poetry and history. It’s part of my varied worldly ancestry)
After this woman attempted this ‘spirit stealing of my power’
I traveled and experienced this exercise that felt like it was taking my heart center. (Think the movie, ‘Stardust’ and I’m the ‘star’ who’s heart they want to cut out and eat for power….)
I had lots of awakenings in India 
and I felt so connected spiritually and ancestrally. My ancestors call me to where I need be. I have felt their pull since I was a girl.
I did a powerful meditation and told my teacher about it. April of 2015, She told me it is called Chinnamasta, a wildly purifying and powerfully protected spiritual gift. After this I had a cholera flu, though I didn’t know it was cholera until some years later. I isolated and stayed in my room for several days, having fever visions and rice water shits, surviving off of 64oz of electrolyte water and a banana. My other banana was eaten by a monkey during one of my fever visions.
It was a wild exchange. (India is safe and clean but it is a different country and precautions need be taken, I just called it the death flu, and let it flow. I was ready to die. I have lived enough, then I was 29.
29 in India. My Saturn returning astrologically. My Saturn in Sagittarius and conjunct my moon, in my 11th house conjunct my Uranus in the 12th house in Sagittarius and bordering Capricorn. This is one reason I am Incredibly psychic.
I went to a local healer woman who wanted to try a purifying ritual. She called me Saraswati, while most others called me Durga. She told me I needed to write down what happened and she needed to do a ritual about it, I told her no.
She didn’t look pleased, but I didn’t care. I knew that I told who I needed to, that I heard what I needed to and that I would be able to incorporate it into my practice at the right time.
I was always called a witch, as I mentioned before, and from the time I was 11, in 1997, people started to treat me a bit different, more carefully. They would Look at me different. I also experienced sexual trauma at a rollerskating rink, here in a Maine, that year.
I could see others in ways that made some of them, uncomfortable.
They could discern in my eyes that I knew what they didn’t want known.
I remember looking up at the stars a lot at that time. Always wanting to be in the stars. Feeling connected to them more than the earth.
The closest thing to any ‘active powers’ I noticed would be lights flickering, which sometimes can be easily explained. I don’t consider psychic dreams and visions an active power. I also could heal, keep energy calm, astrally travel, and slow down situations. My energy was powerful and generally very healing.
When I became a teenager I went through too much, but I saved the lives of many people, in events that would have taken their lives otherwise. My being there, somehow changed things.
Growing up we were always told about how my mother had witchy powers and my Dad’s family was psychic too. It was ancestral on both sides of my family, mixed race, indigenous & a touch of Scottish/Irish with mixed European. I always told people Indian and Irish to summarize, but more accurately, I’m from the World. Every continent.it is what made this time period so powerful for me.
At 13, in 1999 after my Grandfather on my mother’s side died, I went to the field and dropped to my knees and looked at the moon. It has a rainbow around it, now I know that is from light reflecting off the tiny ice crystals formulating around the clouds.
I had a woman I described as my mother come up behind me and tell me the rainbow around the Moon was Allah. The woman wasn’t my mother but I saw her there as if she was, before she left.
(To any corrupt government, abusers or web traps reading & attempting to try and make me seem ‘crazy,’ go ahead and try.)
I know the difference between what happens in visions and life. My exe’s lawyer helped him get away with crippling me by making me seem like a woman confused between reality and dream…..yeah…..it’s pretty horrible and unjust. Karma for them I hope will be severe.
As I became older I started doing more magickal styled activity. Using candles. I had a Persian blade I purchased in my early 20s as my athame, I had my chalice I purchased around the same time. I used incense to purify space. I sent my energy out and all around the universe. I had my first tarot cards gifted to me at the age of 19. I started studying astrology around the same time with books.
When my energy was off, it was when glasses and dishes would break. Usually I am able to prevent them from breaking. If I am moving enough energy I am able to better control that energy that causes issues like glasses shattering or lights flickering. (Again, there can easily be a scientific explanation, electrical issues, not glasses in cold environments, etc) it’s hard to say which is energy and which is just a normal strange occurrence.
One thing I know, is that I can project really powerful energy into the heavens and it is seen by more than just humanity.
It’s one of the greatest gifts.
It’s why I keep urging people, to not web trap or try to ‘claim’ another’s gift is your own….when you experience life genuinely, the magick is perfect.
It’s like viewing glimpses of the future and then seeing them unfold. It’s making a painting and seeing it unfold. It’s sending your energy up into the sky and having it sent back beyond space and time. It’s remembering how you feel and felt in situations that stay with you. It’s knowing to trust yourself, your magickal gifts and instincts.
I have always been told by many spiritual teachers and healers I have powerful magick and am psychic. Palm readers say the same. I was told by many that I could have been ‘famous’ if I wanted to be; I didn’t think I wanted to be known like that. That’s what I told a billionaire producer, when he asked why I didn’t move to Hollywood. He is a kind man. I also didn’t want to be known how I am revealing my life now. It is just the only way I have right now to keep myself safe. I’ve been through real hell and I guess many have taken for granted they haven’t.
I’m trying to speak up and bring attention to what we NEED to be changing. Things I probably wouldn’t be speaking about if life hadn’t done this, after me being crippled by my ex.
I used to write letters and burn them at fire safe locations, by water. I used to do reiki on myself and others, i just didn’t know what it was called. I did space cleansings, that are so effective it keeps people inside, in moments where otherwise they would have had danger. I used to try and make my car invisible sometimes to avoid getting a ticket if I was speeding. Who knows if that worked…haha, I’ve had a few tickets. Some because I drove fast, others because of weird situations or danger.
I used to carve candles and bless spaces or ask for what was meant to be in my life. I did tarot readings for people at a local bar and loved doing peoples birth charts.
Evidently many referred to me as a witch way before I called myself one.
I know I have spoken of this before, but I think it’s important to communicate about, otherwise the stigma and fear surrounding magick, witches, Sufism, anything out of the ‘ordinary’ is sensationalized and misunderstood.
It is beautiful to use magick. It is powerful to work with your ancestors. It’s a blessing to let it flow and accept it as it comes.
Listen to your instincts.
An example being that all my life I thought it would be cool to be able to call fire and be able to light candles, yet it would seem I have the tendency to be fire lucky proof. When things light on fire around me, they usually go out quickly.
When my scarf caught fire and it emblazoned my peacock earrings, when an item of clothing accidentally catches or a match falls to the floor, I have always practiced candle magick and placed protection around myself and my space, it has proven to be incredibly effective. When a transformer blew outside the place I stayed, it should have set the ablaze, instead, my selenite candle saved me.
Needless to say, I still can’t point at a candle and light a flame, I would love to be able to do that. Someday maybe I will train, to learn how.
It is important to accept magick as it flows between you.
I found lots of meteorites and asteroids in that time, I was more closely connected to the heavens then the earth. With an ambulatory spinal cord injury, I guess instead of looking whimsical doing my usual walks, I looked odd and out of place.
Being crippled changes how I walk, move, dance and exist.
I sometimes look like a sloth, t-Rex, pirate or robot, but that was back before I understood my limitations and realized that I needed sticks to prevent drop foot. That was back when I used a stick outside and kept imagining I was light as a feather, to stay standing.
I kept thinking if I could just tough it out long enough, people would listen to the truth and understand and HELP. That didn’t happen.
I kept going though and I’m still here. Somehow.
Not that I want to be.
Dying brings you closer and closer to the World of the dead and the ethereal realms of governance and peace.
Being dead is peaceful. It’s loving. It’s all encompassing. It’s embracing.
I was brought back by God. I was really pissed at God for it too.
Every time I died of autonomic dysreflexia I was angry when I had to come back.
This frustration toward God, continues. Of course I have a ‘purpose on the earth’
But after what I just experienced in life, I don’t really have much faith in evolution for humanity.
Dying from blunt force trauma to the spine, being so disrespected and treated horribly by web traps, just trying to help people with what I learned, trying to speak the truth so people could help make changes.
It’s been a time period I would never repeat.
I would never repeat any part of my life again, no matter how much money offered and memory of everything, I would NEVER be on this Earth, longer than I have to be.
Having a spinal cord injury means the likelihood of a shorter lifespan. It means irreparable inner organ damage, it means the inability to redesign a new life. I know because I’ve tried enough.
Let’s get back to magick, a lighter topic, sort of.
Real power is something.
Real purpose is another.
I was supposed to be Mahdi. A figure long known about and coming to help mediate the earth and remind everyone you are one, but not the same (to quote a song) I was meant to bridge the gap between Islam and indigenous societies. I was meant to be in a place I would have been protected and respected.
This made many women and men both jealous and insane. They envisioned riches, prosperity, princes and castles…..
Instead it’s medical torture, harassment, isolation, shadow banning, people misunderstanding, and a web trap designed to confuse everything.
It’s ok, I am not on this earth to be unwanted.
I don’t have anything to prove to others, I’ve been dead.
God accepts me.
Before I believed in cosmic intelligence, other life, I believed in a universal force that is responsible for creation and in everything, but I never called it God. There are many names for God. Shiva. Allah. Goddess. Krishna. Olofin.
After death, after this death, blunt force trauma to the spine; I said I met God. I said I talked to God.
I wasn’t joking.
With people on this earth that rule with corruption and destroy with greed, having a ‘purpose’ that is spiritual is not easy. Especially now.
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. It wasn’t supposed to be challenging to let happen. It was meant to flow.
Instead jealous women who misunderstood what it meant and jealous corrupt horrific government or patriarchy, couldn’t stand I was a woman. They needed me to be married off to implement what was meant. If I had met love in this challenging time period, I would be married and happy. I would’ve made a wonderful wife to someone before being crippled, now, it’s different. Being crippled doesn’t mean unworthy of love, it just means for me, being more unsafe. If I can’t take care of myself financially and physically, how can I be a good partner or trust someone.
My EX crippled me.
Another matter is love.
Back to magick. I always believed love is magick. It felt that way too for a second through this, but it was a web trap.
Love, the place I can be fooled by bad people.
Magick, this is about magick.
Purpose.
Power.
People fear what they do not understand.
They fear what they misunderstood.
I usually listen to energy.
I can be fooled, but if I go back through life, I haven’t been wrong about my instincts.
Since some privileged people like to take for granted their lack of need for instincts, some like to make a joke about it.
For some of us, especially some of us ‘unlucky chosen’ women, our “instincts” are the only difference between being raped or abused again and not.
In my mid twenties I decided to stop dating and to get a dog. It changed the frequencies around me. She kept me safe.
She would bark away, at anyone and anything, even though she was a small dog. My baby Boston terrier, so brave.
She was very loyal and protective.
Part of the reason they poisoned her December of 2021, through this, is because she kept me safe and ousted them.
I’m glad she is in peace in heaven, I just miss her like crazy.
Doing magick with a dog around certainly lightens the mood.
They listen, but if your casting a circle and the dog goes after the squirrel, your going too, no matter what rules magick has. If an eagle is chasing your dog for a snack, better make sure your keeping it safe. That became harder with a spinal cord injury.
My favorite magick was often times in nature.
It was placing rocks on trees, hugging trees, sitting and meditating with nature, it was the shapes in the clouds, the sound of the waves. It was dancing to the sky, the earth, the sea, it was being in nature and of nature. A place safe to be me. I could dance and sing and pray, safely.
Tarot and astrology were a big part of my life.
I loved astrology because it tells you how to improve yourself. I think it is so beneficial and one thing that is typical of women who survived abuse, is we delve into ways to make understanding people, easier.
Tarot was a good tool for divination when having a hard time ‘making up your mind’ about trivial tasks.
Men abuse women, by making them doubt their reality, so simple tasks when you are first breaking away from abuse, can seem more challenging. Tarot cards helped me make decisions like going to the grocery store Monday instead of Friday.
Tarot and astrology were also enjoyable to read for others and in my early twenties I did a few readings that later had people thanking me and speaking to their guidance being beneficial.
There was a time period where my basic scrying and magickal work was only natural & candle magick.
I stayed having very psychic dreams and communicating within other worlds.
The dead often visit me in dreams, it sometimes scares the living because of what I know.
I decided at the age of 30 to enroll in Witchcraft school.
How exciting!
I knew I already loved structure.
That’s what I created for myself when I lived alone.
Also studying Yoga and Ayurveda along with dance workshops, all of which,are based around structure, my life was structured.
I liked that. I lived enough chaos and unpredictably that wasn’t my choice, young; I wanted structure and predictability.
Having a dog also implements more structure as well. They need it.
I was excited for this school. I can’t even explain it!
I knew it was the right path.
Being in Thailand and India awakened an ancestral journey unlike I had before. At one point it would seem my emotions coincided with the weather or natural disasters. I believed if I didn’t keep my energy happy, or at least most balanced, it would cause solar flares and earthquakes, tidal waves and hurricanes.
What is a way of ever proving that?
When I was heartbroken in April of 2015 I thought the Nepalese earthquake happened because I was too sad, so I tried to ‘get happier.’
Believing if you aren’t controlled bad things will happen, is horrible.
Thankfully I had an acupuncturist that told me it was ‘safe to feel my feelings.’
I’m still working on it. He told me that in 2021, it’s now 2024.
Communing with the land spirits and nature was normal. Telepathy occurred, but was never forced. (I don’t like knowing what others are thinking)
Witchcraft school was excellent and I loved every bit of it.
I unfortunately got kicked out my fourth year mid way through, because I said ‘Tiphareth’ the Kabbalistic sphere in the center of the tree of life, was Allah. Fire and Water. Exactly what corrupt scheming women tried to take from me. It is unwise to meddle with stealing another’s magick or path, I thought everyone knew that.
I think if my teacher had known, I would have completed the last two years, I am, heartbroken he won’t be teaching and I won’t be able to complete them, though we never met in person, I felt so happy to be studying with him as my teacher.
I like to complete what I start. It makes me feel happy.
Though I already accomplished the state of mahatma, kether or ‘bringing down the goddess’ which means being a priestess for the goddess or gods working. This energy I knew how to access through dance already, adding traditional magick was powerful.
I loved doing spells and making potions. I loved the ritual.
I already learned, as I wrote before, about the time I had no chalice, no blade, no candle and I just sat in meditation and everything that had gone wrong, worked out better than imagined. Even making it through dangerous tides.
This was ritual magick. A blade, a chalice, a cauldron, a stone, and a wand. This was alters and devotional (daily prayers) this was part of daily life and I really thrived.
I also learned what kind of magick I am powerful at.
I learned that my purpose on earth, which I have always known, undoubtedly, was to evolve and never return to earth again.
My journey working and meditations were always magickal and vivid. I never had anyone to talk to about these visions,until I mistakingly thought a frenemy was a friend in my mid to late 20s.
In Witchcraft school also I shared those visions and meditations. As Ive mentioned before, Sufi’s recommend not sharing such visions, Hindus recommend seeing no visions and I think it is important to do as you feel called. I also recommend the same about sharing your magick visions, it is cause for much jealousy. I never realized that some would want to have the abilities I do. It never occurred to me that all did not possess that same power. I was on a journey through MY spiritual process, I didn’t need worry about what it showed, it flowed.
When I studied reiki in my mid twenties I learned how powerful I was. When each person described seeing the energy I sent them. The same occurred through astral projection and astral viewing.
When I had dreams and they happened, I knew how powerful I was.
When I did magick with a witchcraft school, I saw how I progressed and what was my flaws, I saw where I needed to grow. My favorite purpose on earth, change and grow.
I was already a powerful woman. I just had never walked a disciplined path of magick, I was ALWAYS intuitive about days I did magick.
This was a structure.
I loved it.
I’m the kind of woman who would take a course like that every single year for all my life!
To bring up my Saturn conjunct moon in 11th house Sagittarius, again, it is one that causes us to always want to study. Just because. Study all things esoteric, spiritual, evolutionary, it is the never ending desire to keep learning. It is never feeling a spiritual master, because the realization is, if you are still on earth, how can you be a master…..?
It is needing extra reassurance to believe we are ready to teach or do.
Waiting almost two decades into my tarot and astrology studies to offer readings.
Waiting so long to feel like teaching is for you.
It’s a funny thing to be humble.
I spoke to woman about it when I was almost at my 3rd Jupiter return. She was at her second Saturn return. We shared this conjunction, sign and placement. We spoke of our limitations in having faith that we were capable of teaching or doing, because we felt we could never learn enough.
Through speaking with one another in casual conversation, we realized how much we knew. We acted as a mirror to one another and it gave me strength & Courage. She said she felt the same.
I began doing Sufi practices at the same time as I was about to begin my fourth year in Witchcraft School. Don’t worry, we take an ‘Oath against taking Blood,’ vow. Just like in every school, there are good and bad people though.
My Sufi practices made me more powerful and more connected to ancestry. An ancestor of mine is of the El’ Din bloodline.
This awakened so much in me.
The woman who did the spiritual transmission from fire to water; Shivah to Allah to me, at the beginning of February 2021.
Another Kabbalah like reference though I am unsure what it is called in Sufism. They also each have their own varying degrees of acceptance about magickal practices.
This was the reminder that Hinduism is Islam, that islam is indigenous, that this time period was for this purpose. To reconnect, to guide, to evolve.
That makes too many fear, here.
The idea Islam is going to evolve us, terrifies people who misinterpret or misunderstand. Islam isn’t scary at all.
Through this time period, magically and spiritually I have evolved and learned much.
I was accused of doing ‘hoodoo/voodoo/black magick’ people were avoiding eye contact, convinced I would curse them by looking them in the eyes, there was hysteria surrounding logical events, people blaming me for the loss of their loved ones or cancers that are caused by unkept nuclear or production plants, there was hate directed toward me and inflamed by corrupt horrible people.
For me, there was a lot of thinking about descriptions of exorcisms/etc.
A man broke my spine and convinced a town I was evil and scary.
I couldn’t walk or talk normal, I was connected to god, I was in a different plane of existence.
It makes me think of how the wrong people can cause so much damage and harm.
Did I float after spinal cord injury, yes.
Did I walk funny or dance different, yes.
Was I possessed? No.
I know everything that has happened in this time period because I won’t ever understand how it went so horribly for me. I definitely deserved better.
Being able to review my feelings on bad magick though, does it exist?
Yes.
Is it dismantled in a way that should be easy for you to see, yes.
Ever since 2020. I set free the forces that were tethered here, for the corrupt and greedy powerless, to attempt to control.
Everything should be easier to see clearly.
Just see through the web traps.
What I learned is that when a baby brujah sent me Pappa Legbo, I communed with him and sent him back.
I learned that what others sent to curse, just ended up giving me more connection and protection.
My ancestry is of the Earth, when others disrupt me and my life, they are disrupting their ancestors too. There is a very real ricochet effect that had some countries thinking I was an evil powerful witch.
Evil, no.
Powerful, yes.
I didn’t call myself a Witch for a long time, but through studying magick, I did.
I also consider myself a Sufi woman.
My Sufi mentor believed me to be a real witch too.
There is a real ricochet effect, when you damage my life.
It makes the forced oppression they use to silence me, look like a cake walk. People don’t like it.
My collarbone, my spinal cord injury, my thorocolmabar radioculopathy, my forced oppression, my medical torture, these are all things that will cause a real ricochet effect. This was a very important time for the World.
It can’t be redone.
I know bad magick is real, I just know that spirit power and protection is more powerful.
I know that some of us have real power. Real God protection.
And I know that everyone who has tried to ‘take on me’ has regretted it, especially those that realize too late.
As far as hoodoo/voodoo is concerned, I was walking with my ancestor that is Nigerian. She along with many other powerful ancestors, guides, guardians and mentors. Someday if I take a ‘voodoo class’ I can say for sure.
All I know is what I learned so far, is that it seems my ancestry has deep connections in hoodoo and voodoo.
I practice halal magick.
I am magick.
I am blessed.
Always walk an authentic path and you will be rewarded.
Only ever try to be who you are.
