The very real and tense relationship that America has with Muslims.
La illaha Il allah 
A phrase and song that brings joy to Muslims, but terror to uneducated or isolated Americans.
After my ex hit me in the spine on May 10, 2020
I was determined to heal, to have a good life.
My ex had no intention of letting me heal or leave. I fought for my life to get away from him, those months of Summer during the early pandemic.
When I finally did, get away from him, I was more with God/Allah/Shiva, than on the earth.
Blunt force trauma to the Spine is major. I am an ambulatory spinal cord injured woman now, because of him.
I prayed regularly and focused on my healing. I didn’t understand what an ambulatory spinal cord injury was, so I just kept going. Refusing to give up.
During the times I was afraid, I felt like I had a guardian angel around me. I reached out to him casually. I was experiencing an intense connection to Islam.
When I was a young person I was drawn to Sufi poets and the architecture of Islam as well as the language, Arabic, I found to be beautiful.
Where I am from in the USA is not very diverse at all. I experienced a lot of trauma and injustice because I ‘don’t look like I’m from here.’
I felt so connected to God/allah/Shiva as I was dying from blunt force trauma and yet, I was still trying to continue moving forward.
I worked in a daycare during the pandemic. Making minimum wage and believing that I was contributing in a small way to our community.
I spoke to my hidden angel on the phone in January of 2021.
I attended a Sufi workshop a short month later.
The song LA ILAHA IL ALLAH brought me such an awakening. During the workshop we sang it together and I sang it in a very high resonance and felt awakened.
My predominantly white neighbors, felt fear.
Shortly after this the government was involved. I had helicopters around me regularly.
I’ve lived here all my life, I knew about the army base next door to where I worked. I knew what was normal activity and I knew the difference between life flight helicopters, army helicopters and black hawks.
I was followed by black hawks and army helicopters. It was invasive, but also, confusing. What on earth were they doing?
Following a crippled middle aged woman working in a daycare, during a pandemic. They should be ashamed of themselves.
I’m afraid now, they aren’t though….
They are now emboldened by the white supremacist group and party that allows this to occur, unchecked and unanswered for.
In April 2022 I began doing Sufi practices regularly with the Toronto Sufi group. It is a lovely group and the practices were wonderful for my healing, my mental health and my life. I recommend them. They are really peaceful.
This just caused more harassment and chaos because of my own government.
More accurately the bullies in my government who were doing their usual ‘frame/blame/shame’ tactics.
It is because they want to cover for the people here who do drug deals overseas and triangulate women like me. Using us as a scapegoats or any isolated person.
It is to help their privelaged white women, get away with everything. They will kill or disappear anyone who knows the truth. These women are horrific. They cause the rape, trafficking, oppression and silencing/crippling of women like me.
Their spouses work in the government and help them get away with it. They have jobs as hairdressers or other highly influential people, so they can get away with everything. It never changes and these women think it’s amusing.
I am autistic. I was dying from blunt force trauma. Not receiving appropriate medical care and realized that my community-wasn’t mine at all.
No matter how much I posted or spoke of what I experienced, I was met with lack of care or concern.
I wanted to write about this yesterday but given that it was Veterans Day-I didn’t want to upset anyone and then be further targeted.
The medical torture, forced oppression, harassment and threats to keep me silent, have been unpleasant, but I speak up for all the people who have been easily disappeared by communities like this, because everyone believes the lies that the person was an extremist.
An extremist.
The easily believed lies the West tells anytime they want to get their way at being unjust.
The last time these helicopters harassed me was the late fall in 2022.
They began being less brave because they were starting to be called out, in the USA, for similar fear tactics they use to target other isolated Muslims in America.
I then made videos and posts pointing out how they target these individuals, how they get away with it and that the silence of their neighbors, community and country are what allow it.
I just asked my community to stand by me. To Refuse to let them get away with it.
They did nothing.
Nothing.
I lived here all my life. Worked here all my life.
No wonder they get away with what they do.
Nobody cares.
For all the people here who did their charity work overseas or donate to war zones-they had zero concern for the wrongful targeting and bullying happening in their own home.
I think at some point, when the national guard was called on me, it must have had someone I waited on, onboard the helicopter. The large green one that had men in it, hanging out the side, with weapons.
Yes. Weapons. For me.
I am autistic.
I don’t process situations and information the way others do.
I was still trying to understand how my ex could hit me in my spine, how I could struggle so much to survive and how no one seemed concerned. Add helicopters and harassment and I just was not impressed.
I believe at some point a soldier must have recognized me as the waitress/bartender of the area and maybe it helped end the harassment. Maybe little by little, I had other hidden angels, that spoke up on my behalf.
All I know is I am still unimpressed by the deceitful, illegal and harassing actions of my government.
They have done nothing to make it right. Even now. The end of 2024.
Allah in America.
When I went with my dog to our normal local spots, there was a sniper pointed at me. Across the beach.
When I went for an ambulatory walk at night, a helicopter showed up.
The crazy thing about all of this is, the way that I processed it.
One of the occurrences a helicopter was flying over me, I just pointed and drew a star shape with my finger and imagined ‘if they are doing good may they be protected and respected and if they are doing bad-may they forget. Or crash’
I, in all seriousness only cared that if they were good people they stayed miraculously protected and if they weren’t, well, then they didn’t.
I’m autistic. What was I supposed to do?
No one seemed to care or to want to stop it.
I just kept trying to survive blunt force trauma and make my life work for my new crippled body, despite all the harassment.
I went back to work as a waitress when I realized they weren’t going to be honorable medically. I needed to save money and seek medical refuge. I guess no one knew me well enough to notice my crippled body. How much pain I was in. How often I had to pop my spine back in. Or the reason I could barely work. Or they just didn’t care. Like everybody else.
I saved money, applied for Disabiity and I stayed in the USA at the recommendation of my Sufi mentor. Otherwise I was going to seek medical refuge.
I’ve already spoke on the rest.
The fact that I was under surveillance at the airport for days, last year, before I flew out of the country attempting to seek medical refuge and hoping to start a new life.
I haven’t ever in my life experienced this, America of grace and promises of new beginnings, that others speak on.
I experienced abuse, rape, harassment, crippling, medical torture, forced oppression and silencing.
Where is the great America that ‘saves the World?’
Where is the Great America that wants peace, not war!?
It isn’t an America I am familiar with. Through my experiences living here all my life.
The fear surrounding islam and Muslims is real here.
I don’t know what will end it, other than communication.
I can express what I experienced but I can’t force people here to care.
I wrote to the president and Vice President. I wrote to congresspeople and senators.
I have done my part.
There isn’t anything else I can do.
Let’s start to change the perception of Islam to Americans.
Let’s begin to break down the truth about Muslims targeted in America.
I was sympathetic about it triggering veterans, about the misunderstanding that my ex caused in the community (he got away with everything and somehow I looked like the bad one…..)
I was sympathetic about everyone and everything.
I believe being forgiving is more beneficial.
When is enough, enough, though?
Now I fear for more people than just Muslims in America.
The new elected president is known to encourage racism and isolation. Targeting and bullying.
In fact it was mostly his supporters here, who put me through this.
Now I fear for the future of America.
I fear because I lived here all my life and while I experienced hell, no one did a thing.
This isn’t the first time.
This is just the first time I don’t care what they try now.
I am an adult woman, crippled because of my ex and forced to leave my country on foot with a walker and spinal cord injury, after giving away my car and over half my belongings. I’m a middle aged crippled woman, who has had enough. I’ve lived hell on earth, right here. Maine USA
Enough of the racism.
Enough of the bullies.
Enough of the liars and enough of the communities who claim to care. They march for causes and then stay silent when they should be speaking up.
Allah in America.
When will America become a place that is free and safe?
I am shocked others see America as a safe haven.
If only they knew, America doesn’t even care about its own citizens.
I am awaiting my fourth appeals for social security Disabiity so I can REDESIGN a life as a CRIPPLED woman, caused by DOMESTIC ASSAULT. I paid in money for that fund for 22 years. It’s my money. They need me to look horrible though, then they can try and get away with it. They took my dignity with everything else.
I have asked social media for help. Written to the government, stayed forgiving and patient.
Enough is enough.