C’est la vie literally means “this is the life” in French.
It’s what a man said to me, as he drove me to a restaurant to discuss a promotion. I was a teenager. I had been through hell at that point already. As a waitress, I was excited for a job promotion.
They slipped something in my drink along the evening and in a blur of memory, I was tied up, a bag was placed over my head and I was gang raped.
C’est la vie-right?
This is one of many traumatic events I lived through in my life.
I usually always went to school or work, no matter what happened to me.
22 years of working as a salon assistant, a waitress, a bartender, other random small jobs.
Atleast I had that consistency in my life.
Something I could predict.
I didn’t report this assault. They use threats that are effective-i also didn’t report many other assaults that happened to me.
Often times they left me feeling like I was the one in the wrong. Like something was wrong with me.
I thought it was me, but it wasn’t.
How I’ve managed to speak up finally, is that through attempting to re-design a life with an ambulatory spinal cord injury, I have been through more hell and at this point, I don’t care anymore.
I don’t care if a man thinks I’m used up.
Or no longer ‘pure’ enough for his love.
(It isn’t the only horrible thing I’ve lived through)
I haven’t let a man near me in three years and six months.
Since getting away from the man who crippled me.
I don’t care if the general public keeps pretending I’m crazy to make themselves feel better.
I don’t care if people continue trying to lie about me, to get away with what they did.
I don’t care anymore.
Song reference
When I speak up, if I make a big deal out of something; when I ask for help, it is for a reason and never for nothing. Or no big deal.
This situation along with many others-I can’t even begin to comprehend how it’s gone this far or how people can be so clueless and cruel.
This year I finally got rid of the pink shirt I was wearing that night.
Guess I’ll just keep on going.
Cause ‘I’m still standing’ (song reference)
So if you are speaking up, don’t stop.
I should have been able to receive the social security disability I paid in.
Many situations should have gone differently.
I kept expecting integrity out of people who just don’t care.
Maybe I wouldn’t have kept speaking up if those things had worked out.
I tried to bring awareness to a major issue in our area.
I was born in Maine.
Lived in Maine all my life and was trying to make it safer.
For everyone’s children.
I’ve never had any of my own.
I was raised to look after all kids, no matter whose they are.
Always Care about yourself. Always love yourself, & please always know, you are enough!!
Know that YOU NEVER deserved to be RAPED, ABUSED or OPPRESSED!
It is other’s earned bad karma, not yours.
Know that YOU DESERVE to be LOVED!
Even when no one else makes you feel that way.
Speaking loudly in a small community and area is a brave thing to do.
It’s also forgiving to do.
Forgiving your abusers, to make a safer World, for THEIR children. Cause I’ve never had any.
Advocate for yourself, even if no one will listen.
Keep going and believing in you.
Personally,
I would rather not be on the Earth any more.
Oh well.
C’est la vie
Stay human
Woman
Life
Freedom
~Katherine Lily Mae Harris