Blog, photos & Art: by Katherine Lily Mae Harris
When I was a child, under the age of four I was sodomized in my grandmother’s basement. I hated going down there after that and I developed a fear and connection to spiders; instead of fearing people. I was Naturally trusting and loving of people and nature, I made the spider the enemy.
I remember it being one of the first times I remember Shapeshifting.
I stared at that spider in the corner of the ceiling, and I became one with it: I needed to disconnect from what was happening to me. I still don’t recall every detail, as is normal with trauma and unfortunately only helps abusers get away with everything. They say that ‘holes in the story’ are an indication of the innocence of the perpetrators or perpetrator, and unfortunately this causes victim/SURVIVOR shaming and blaming.
It took me a long time to understand this fear of spiders and eventually I overcame it.
Now helping spiders make their way outside or co-existing with them inside. Typically it goes well, except for the brown recluse nest at my Belfast, Maine; apartment that led to me being bit on my face during Ramadan in 2022.
Through my lifetime (so far) of healing, I have been blessed to be led along a path that took me from being a woman who felt as if I was ‘placed in a web;’ as food for whoever was bigger, & stronger-to becoming a woman who was a weaver of the consciousness of the universe. Or in Magick, called, the ‘Weaver of the witch’s web.’
That was the initial name of the painting and artwork. Allowing myself this altar ego of consciousness through Magick and the universe. As I’ve shared before the transformation & alchemy that occurs through our paths, existence and journey, in any & every Magickal practice or spiritual intention.
The NEW name of the painting is the ‘Threader of the Cosmos!’
Because the word Weaver now has some negative connotations associated with it. In which contributed to me being tormented here in my life, thanks to some corrupt government needing to use me as a scapegoat for their spouses drug trade. This led me to be trafficked and tormented as a teen and almost successfully trafficked again-as a crippled and middle aged woman; that was the point to me being crippled.
Anyways-threading the cosmos.
Re-creating a path forward that takes me from
‘She who they placed in their sinister web’
Represented in my drawing from October 18, 2020
To
‘She who transmutes alchemically the damage and pain done to recreate a path in life that is filled with healing & balance. ‘
Represented in my drawing done on October 20, 2020 and later in my painting.
The photo taken by me using timer camera was meant to be Magickal and powerful.
Standing between two trees along the marshy woodland. Painting and drawings in the front.
Instead I couldn’t make it 5 feet in time because my ex crippled me.
I used to be able to run up and get into leaping poses on the mountain or at the beach, the timer going off and I was in position.
Now-thanks to a man crippling me-I can’t.
It’s frustrating and made me feel horrific. Like being unseen. So the cloaked photo seemed fitting now.
I am fortunate that I never needed drugs/substances or alcohol to access my Magick. I was able to just touch a rock or tree or the mountain and it showed me these most beautiful worlds.
Like Narnia or the faery land in Malificent. I have taught this to children who showed aptitude or my exes child, who saw me practice my Magick and became curious. I was forbidden by her mother to practice Magick or belly dance in front of her, she said belly dance was too sexual. Naturally her daughter became more curious about it and would peek through the door. At first I tried to monitor it, and then eventually I gave up because I deserved space to be myself.
I also worked with my exes daughter a lot with art and other crafts. It has further inspired me to work with kids and art. Something I have spoken of since I was about 23, in 2009.
Shapeshifting into a crane occurred accidentally in Pushkar, India 2015. I was sitting by the sacred pools, meditating and there was drumming and fires lit along the shore-I was flying in the sky as a crane, feeling free and happy.
This was without drugs also. I don’t need them to access consciousness. No one does, it just takes accessing their true unique Magick & never trying to covet another’s.
It is important to understand this connection before using plant medicines that altar consciousness and always if you are not strong minded, to do so with guidance of another: my experience with the drugs is very limited. I am happy with that. I am considering using mushrooms or ayahuasca to try and heal my spinal cord injury, because it was recommended by a Turkish healer. I have not yet tried that. I have seen many ‘faery’ mushrooms though.
Other Shapeshifting experiences have occurred as well, they are not something to fear.
Just as witchcraft is not something to fear. Halal witchcraft is the same as Sufism and shamanism. I have the three bloodlines within myself and the spirit to enhance it all.
Fortunate and blessed in Spirit.
I often say the phrase
‘I do away with all bad and negative Magick controlling humanity for the freeing of all peoples’
Speaking on Magick; there is such thing as hexes and curses. Thought tempting to try given what others have put me through, I typically steer clear of them, for now anyways.
Whenever someone has sent them to me, I just work with whatever energy they send for a while and return it to sender. This tends to be effective. I used to ‘send it to the ethers to be transmuted beyond space and time, where it could be cleansed and returned for the benefit of all,’ but as I aged, I changed. I began to interact with the entities sent, usually freeing them from the control of others and letting them know, they can return to sender to cause damage if they wish, before being set free.
Most notably when Pappa Legbo was sent, we spent so much time with one another, it was such a Magickal and powerful bonding experience. Be careful who you mess with, baby brujahs sometimes forget, what they are attempting to do may be coming back harshly. This time period led to all sorts of web trap ‘attacks’ on me. Not just ‘real’ life danger, but also in the liminal. In the end I ended up being labeled as the bad witch….innacurate, but Atleast I know who my community is now.
Spirituality is a place I thrive but I was blessed with much sense in the real world, despite immense challenges in life.
The DRESS of RED-to represent the blood from my womb that from 14 to now was for no other purpose than to represent a place of pain and burden. This idea that it’s a gift, seems to have left me along with the idea of being able to have my own family now. Crippled, celibate for four years and eight months, and 39, the likelihood ebbs by the day, imagine altering that for a woman, the karma for all involved will be immense.
What are your fears? Are they linked to trauma and how have you faced them?
Mine have given me no choice but to face them alone, bravely, no matter how terrifying.